On the Road Again

Warming sun. Tropical drinks. Exotic foods. Hiking. SCUBA diving. Chatting with locals. Exploring locations teeming with history and culture. In my opinion, these are just a few of the elements that meld to forge a glorious vacation experience. You know what doesn't make for a pleasantly memorable vacation? Travel jealousy.

Over the years I've been told by countless people, "Gee, you go on so many vacations. I'm totally jealous." I've also heard the more blatant, "Vacationing again? I hate you." Although such statements are usually uttered with jest, they often contain a certain amount of biting truth. Sometimes, sadly, the words are even spat with thinly veiled bitterness.

I will admit, I embark on more trips than the average person. But if you will excuse my hubris for a moment, I also deem myself one of the more adept adventurers I know. I'm not talking about an adventure vacation here and there, with the rest revolving around sitting on beaches. Sitting around is for other people. I want to milk every new locations for all it's willing to give up. I do my best not to take any trip for granted.

We all hold certain passions near and dear to our hearts. For me, traveling is that passion. Exploring new places produces a kind of euphoria in me that is not easily replicated. The funny thing about passion is that it manifests itself in different ways. While one person may be passionate about reading, another may be passionate about collecting art, and yet another may be passionate about music. All are valid if they enrich people's lives, as I believe my travel does for my life.

I understand that all of us like to escape from the daily grind when possible, and for some it's a difficult endeavor. Please believe me when I say my trips do not simply occur on a whim. They are thoroughly researched, budgeted and contemplated. Those of you who know me well know how much of a cheapskate I am. Do you really think I would be spending copious amounts of money on anything, much less something that's not a necessity? I read travel advice websites daily, sift through countless emails from travel companies, hunt for deals on the internet and twitter, enroll in every point/discount accrual program, haggle with hotel managers, study weather patterns, research a destination's low seasons and bite my nails down to nubs while waiting for last minute deals. I promise you, with my weekly and daily attention, I put in more effort than 90% of travelers. Plus, many people tend to forget that I'm not taking full two-week vacations several times a year; many of these excursions are simply for a weekend.

Additionally, my daily expenditures are ridiculously low compared to most people. I make nearly all meals and don't eat out, have antiquated electronics, don't have cable, avoid large purchases unless absolutely necessary due to a previous item's failure (e.g. car, tv), purchase many things second hand, clip coupons, and a rudimentary perusal of my home will prove the glaringly obvious -- that my furniture is quite literally all gifted or hand-me-downs (barring the couch purchased 4 years ago because the other couch fell apart). I prefer to save my money for memorable journeys that will be burned into my memory forever. To me, things like owning the newest electronic item, purchasing designer clothing, wearing expensive jewelry not purchased for $10 at Target, spending more than $20 on a haircut or getting manicures is not important. Travel? That is what is important to me. Please don't judge me for that, because I would bet you also harbor priorities that others might deem odd.

Let's also not forget that for nearly three years, my significant other has traveled endlessly for work, and continues to do so. His being gone day in and day out equates to a rapid accrual of free flights and free or discounted hotel stays. This in itself sometimes causes jealousy to fester in some people. Rest assured, I would scrimp and save and give up every free drink/flight/hotel stay if it meant having my husband here instead of absent practically every day of the work week. I'm convinced the little "perks" are just enticements to keep me from going completely insane. They're something we can enjoy together. Heck, sometimes it seems like the only way we can enjoy each other is to get away.

Don't think I'm saying most people I know or associate with fall into the category of being judgmental about my travel. We've all been jealous or envious of people at some point, especially those close to us. I would hope that my true friends could share my travel joys, just as I try my best to share their joys in life.

Really, I blame American society for the vacation jealousy. We live in a place where workers accumulate weeks of vacation year after year that slip by unused. Americans feel guilty about taking time for themselves, and consequently work themselves to the bone. It doesn't have to be this way. Examine, for instance, all the countries where workers take three weeks of vacation with no questions asked. Whole sections of Europe shut down in August as the locals journey elsewhere. These people shouldn't be looked down upon, but instead applauded for realizing what's really important in life. It's certainly not work. Rather, it's making memories with loved ones. Enjoying time off with friends and family while taking a much needed and well deserved breather. Work is simply a way of funding such pleasures.

I consider myself lucky for having realized at an early age that work is not the purpose of my existence. I live for adventures with family and friends, and for squeezing the most out of my short years here on earth. I loathe the thought of being in my nineties and regretting my time sitting at the office in a bored stupor for a week, rather than witnessing the ear-to-ear grin on my husband's face while he spots a turtle during a snorkeling excursion.

You may continue to judge me for my travels if you so desire, but I assure you, that is a losing battle. Instead of feeling envious, perhaps try joining me in forgoing silly, costly things that mean so little in the long run. Instead, let's take the time to get away, and relish those adventures we'll never forget.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-- 
I took the one less traveled by, 
And that has made all the difference. 

-Robert Frost

Infomercial Insanity

Ahhh, infomercials. The silly guilty pleasure we love to hate. We all love to mock them, whether for the absurd portrayal of a product, or for the actual odd product itself. But the laughter left ringing in the air is typically not from us observers, but from those who devised the product and are hauling in loads of money.

Because it's Friday and we could all use a laugh, I bring to you a list of my top worst/best infomercials. Worst/best lies in the eye of the beholder. There may be more ludicrous examples out there, but I haven't yet seen them. Thanks, YouTube, for having these available for countless hours of laughter and eye rolling.

THE BEST/WORST INFOMERCIALS OF ALL TIME 
(ranked from least to most insane)

10.  Forever Lazy--The Snuggie made fleece the laughingstock of America, but this took it one step further. Fast forward to 1:15 where it demonstrates the ease of going to the bathroom. America, you are truly lazy and disgusting.

9. Aspray--I'm not even sure what to think about the plumbers in the beginning of this commercial. Do you really want me to believe that some guy is going to put his nose up to another guy's butt like that? Remember, "you can even Aspray your privates."

8. PooTrap--This made me laugh and laugh and laugh trying to think of how my pup would have handled this back in the day. I understand that cleaning up dog poop is not a treat, but don't make poor Fido wear this. If you don't care about your dog's likely discomfort while wearing the device, then think about his/her humiliation.

7. Tiddy Bear--I love how so few of the people in this video put the device where most people complain about seatbelt pain--on their shoulders. Instead, the women seem to want to put the bear on their... um... well... er... "tiddy."

6. Hawaii Chair--I dare anyone to take up the guy on his idea of using this gyrating chair at the office. Says one woman in the clip, "I can really feel this working!" Yeah, I bet you can.

5. Potty Putter--If you feel the need to buy this, you may already be spending too much time on the toilet. My favorite part is the announcer's awkward pausing around :25. "Just aim and shoot... the ball... into the cup." No wait, it might be the point at :47 when he says, "You'll take the time to play with your putter." Imagine how proud you'll be to tell work colleagues who compliment your improved game that the skills came from hours with the Potty Putter.

4. UroClub--Seems like all the best ones aimed at men are golf related. Don't think you're fooling anyone with that stupid little green towel. Your hands are behind it, so we know you're either peeing or playing with yourself. Although I previously wrote a post about trying to be less judgmental, if I see you using one of these, you better believe I'm going to judge you for being gross.

3. Shake Weight--Few items are as blatantly dirty as this product. If you don't believe me, go ahead and look up the South Park episode about it. I had trouble deciding which video to include, because the company made separate ones for men and women. I'm including the one for women because it seemed just slightly more silly.

2. Facial Flex--Cut to the chase and fast forward to 1:05. There are no words.

1. Kush Support--The name sounds innocent enough. But the product is a breast implant supporter.

There you have it. I hope these videos caused you to laugh as much as I did. Maybe this post will even inspire you to come up with your own wacky product. If you do, just remember who inspired you, and be sure to send me a royalties check.

Flock of Snowbirds

Luckily, spring is nearly here. I can't complain too much about winter because this year has been ridiculously wonderfully mild. But we still had enough cold days for me to curl up and threaten hibernation. That forced my ever-growing snowbird tendency to rear its ugly head.

I first encountered snowbirds en masse when living in Miami. Previously, I had never lived anywhere that prompted such an influx of seasonal visitors. In fact, I hail from the upper Midwest, where residents usually flock away from the winter madness. So watching the Miami winter visitors was truly unique. And sometimes frustrating.

I've posted before about welcoming tourists with open arms as long as they behave when they're visiting. The problem with snowbirds is that many consider their warm winter destinations "home" despite only living there for about two or three months out of the year, causing a sense of entitlement. They sometimes treat the area they're in like a free-spirited spring break destination, instead of considering the fact that it really is home year-round for some people. This can cause even the most patient year-rounder to lose it. I know I lost it on multiple occasions when living in Florida.

So here's my confession: I'm officially, gradually turning into a snowbird. This is evidenced by my desire to take a major trip during the cold weather months every year. My husband knows the winter will be a lot more pleasant for him if he dangles a warm weather trip in front of me. Granted, it's not for two or three months at a time, but hey, it's a start.

Last weekend I went to visit the in-laws at their new condo just outside of Phoenix. I can't blame them for wanting to escape Wisconsin winters. Check out the awesome scenery from our boat excursion on a nearby lake. Yes, I said lake. In the Arizona desert. Very cool.

Perhaps I'm biased, but I have to say, my in-laws are not going to make anybody's list of annoying snowbirds. They're respectful and considerate of locals. They treat the area like it's their permanent home, not some spring break destination. They don't act like the "mature" women we encountered in the bar last weekend who got wasted and proceeded to hit on every man in sight (including my husband). If more people decided to abide by my in-laws' model when visiting seasonal destinations, I don't think the term "snowbird" would carry the negative connotation it sometimes does.

Here's what I promise locals in the places I visit during the winter: I will not clog up your major roads at rush hour by driving during that time, considering the activities I am trying to get to could be done at any time during the day. I will not drive below the speed limit at an insanely slow rate and hold up traffic. I will not tell you endless, boring tales of "back home" unless you specifically ask. I will not complain loudly about your lovely area, because I chose to be there and I can choose to leave at any time. I will not get sloppy drunk and become loud, belligerent and annoying. And perhaps most importantly, what I learned from my year of living in a high rise across the street from a nude beach: I will not make your eyeballs melt by walking around nude or in inappropriately tight/small unflattering beach gear.

To Sleep(walk), Perchance to Dream

Vampires and collapsing ceilings and hot lava, oh my! Does this sound like the latest Hollywood attempt at drawing teen girls into a movie theater? Well it's not. Welcome to my dreams, and my life as a sleepwalker.

As promised, I'm doing a post on this topic because people seem to be fascinated with the fact that I sleepwalk. I had always thought it was something everyone did, but I have been proven wrong on many, many occasions. By proven wrong, I mean people squeal with glee and ask for crazy sleepwalking stories because they've "never known anyone who does that!" Yay me.

This started for me at a very young age. One of my first memories of sleepwalking was when I was probably six years old. I awoke to find myself standing in the living room, facing the babysitter who was sitting on the couch. She had this wide-eyed look on her face and didn't know what to say. I had no idea what I was doing there or what I had said to her. I panicked, asked her to have my parents come see me when they got home, and ran into my bedroom. My mother did come to see me when she returned home and heard about my glazed-over expression while talking to the babysitter. I remember being so embarrassed I think I begged my mom not to hire that girl again. Luckily, kids are resilient and we all moved on after my mom explained to the sitter what had happened.

Consider for a moment why I thought sleepwalking was not such an unusual activity. I had heard stories about my dad being a sleepwalker when he was younger. In fact there's quite an amusing tale of him waking up one morning and his dad telling him to clean out the garbage can. When he protested, he was told how he took a stroll through the house the previous night, all the while still asleep, and mistook the garbage can for a urinal. Hearing stories like this made me feel "normal" and like I wasn't alone. Plus, I have encountered a number of sleeptalkers throughout my life, so I figured they were walkers as well. Not so much. It turns out only 1%-15% of the population sleepwalks.

This is NOT what sleepwalkers look like.

Stop picturing those stereotypical sleepwalking scenes of people walking like zombies, arms outstretched and eyes shut. It's nothing like that. A lot of people don't even realize when they've encountered someone who's sleepwalking, because the afflicted sleeper can actually carry on a semi-intelligent conversation. Different people are affected differently, but most have open, glassy eyes and can carry out regular activities.  It's just that the brain isn't fully registering what's going on, and movements might be a little slow or jerky.

Yes, it can be an incredibly dangerous problem. For the most part, I have been lucky not to harm myself. Except once in college. Remember those loft beds in the dorms to make room for a desk underneath? Well I had one of those, but it was built a little too close to the ceiling for my subconscious to be comfortable with it. About a week in, I dreamed that spikes were coming down from the ceiling and falling down on me, so I rolled right off my loft to try to avoid them. By pure luck, that night I had moved the wooden chair that I typically used to climb up into bed; had it been there as it was every other night, I would have cracked my head open on the chair. Instead, I made the 6 foot tumble to the floor, knocked myself out, and bashed the heck out of my hip. I came to at some point in the middle of the night in so much pain I could barely walk. The doctor said I had bruised my hip and stressed some ligaments, which led to a two month limp, but thankfully that was the worst of it. After that incident, I lowered my loft a bit, and was ordered by friends and family to install rails on the side of my bed like a two-year-old. That's definitely the mature look I desired in college.

When I met the man who is now my husband, I made an interesting discovery about 8 months into our relationship. We went to Las Vegas on our first trip together, and the first night we had an episode. I woke up gasping with my arms over my head, trying to hold up the ceiling that was, of course, collapsing onto me. At that same moment, Chris was leaping over the bed because he thought it was hot lava. The simultaneous activity woke us both up, and perhaps that moment when we gazed with embarrassment into each other's eyes was the exact moment I knew we were meant to be.

Not only is Chris a sleepwalker, but he is far worse than I am. All of the triplets exhibit this trait to some degree, but I do think Chris is the worst. I can't tell you how often one of us wakes up in a panic and the other has to offer calming words. Chris tends to sleepwalk most when he's overtired or stressed out with work, and actually brings work into his dreams. He's an electrical engineer who works on nuclear power plants, and I've caught him trying to "rewire" our curtains or ceiling, solve issues with cooling towers and on many, many occasions, he jumps up and runs to the sink to splash water on his eyes because he thinks acid has splattered on him. The trouble comes when both of us sleepwalk at the same time and can't offer calming techniques, such as with the Las Vegas story. Or, you know, earlier this week when Chris sat bolt upright in bed yelling that some person/beast/ghost near our bedroom door was peering at us, and I then sat bolt upright and was convinced I saw it too. We huddled together, trying to figure out what to do, and then we both woke up. Yes, we're unusual.

While reading about sleepwalking, I learned that it's not uncommon in childhood, but most kids grow out of it. Good for them. Although scientists aren't fully certain why sleepwalking occurs, Chris' brother, who is a psychologist, explained to me what is believed to happen in those of us who don't grow out of it. Humans are wired to have paralysis when they're dreaming as a safety measure. Those of us who sleepwalk lack that nervous system mechanism that causes the paralysis. It really is a defect of sorts, and sleepwalkers exhibit this to varying degrees. Plus, sleepwalking has been identified as a genetic trait that runs in families. People who have one parent who does it are 45% more likely to sleepwalk, and those with two parents who do it are 60% more likely. As previously mentioned, my dad did it, my mom did as a child, Chris' brothers do it and Chris' mom has done it. If Chris and I ever had children, they'd be pretty much screwed.

I hope not to do something really dangerous while sleepwalking.

You might not think of certain safety measures if you're not a sleepwalker, but planning for sleep usually ends up being a larger event for us. When we were having air circulation issues in our home, Chris suggested keeping our bedroom door open a bit to let the warm air flow better throughout the house. At that suggestion, I looked at him with fear in my eyes and he simply said, "I know." What did he know? That "they" would come for us with the open door. "They" could be any creature, person or object that comes after us in our sleep and forces us to take action. Naturally, they're going to creep in through the open door. We often have to make adjustments with things left around the bedroom. Closet doors must be shut, or "they" will pop out of there during the night. No clothing strewn around the room, or the lumpy objects will manifest themselves in our sleepwalking episodes as intruders. Typically our incidents don't involve leaving the room except for a few extremely severe examples (often brought on by having a fever while sick), so we haven't had to worry about securing sharp objects.

I mentioned in a previous post that I can't watch horror movies, not because they scare me while awake, but because then "they" will come after me in my sleep. That can, and has, led to night terrors that include blood-curdling screams. When "The Grudge" came out a number of years ago, just seeing the commercial of that child ghoulie crawling across the floor was enough to cause a month's worth of sleepwalking. On more than one occasion, I found myself standing on my bed, wrapped in sheets as protection, because I "saw" the ghoulie coming at me across the floor and he was coming onto my bed next. I've had enough similar incidents throughout the years by accidentally seeing clips, or even trying to force myself to watch a whole movie to "get over it," that I now avoid horror movies altogether.

It's often difficult to wake up from sleepwalking episodes, and personally, it takes me quite a while to reach consciousness. I've noticed that both Chris and myself often think we're awake and fully functional when we're actually not. It's really disorienting and often frightening not just because most of the acted out dreams are nightmares, but because I don't know what's going on when I wake up. What's weird is that often I don't remember sleepwalking unless I wake up in the middle of it, or am reminded about it the next day. It really makes me wonder how many embarrassing performances I've put on at sleepovers. I guess it's just one of those quirks that makes me unique and provides great stories for people to laugh at.

Thanks for joining me on my sleepwalking journey. As a courtesy, if you ever see me wandering around when I'm supposed to be asleep, simply soothe me and send me back to bed. I'll try my best not to scream bloody murder because my subconscious morphed you into a vampire.

Houston, We Have a Problem

Although it is a natural part of the life cycle and something we can all expect at some point, death is never easy to deal with. Living through the loss of a loved one conjures a plethora of feelings--most of them negative. Nearly all of us have dealt with a soul-crushing loss that rattled us to our inner beings. I can say with a fair amount of certainty, that for the vast majority of us, that loss was not the passing of Whitney Houston.

A death is always tragic. But we might be going too far with Houston's.

So why are so many people mourning her death as though it were a close personal friend who passed? The same scenario played out when Michael Jackson died, and it leaves me utterly befuddled. The losses, while unfortunate, are not worthy of random fans wailing in the streets, blubbering through tears on TV, and suddenly acting as though Whitney Houston were the most important thing since the invention of the internet.

It's an incredibly unfortunate loss, but I'd like to curb overuse of the word "tragic" to describe Houston's situation. I reserve that term for inexplicable, intensely sad instances like a small child being murdered or a good person dying while trying to help someone else. I have much difficulty using the word for celebrities with odd ego issues who repeatedly fall into drug or alcohol hazes. I'm not insinuating that battling a drug or alcohol addiction is easy, because I recognize it's anything but. Average folks struggle with these demons on a daily basis. However, Hollywood seems to be rife with the types of personalities who revel in the crazy strung-out lifestyle, then express surprise when they're "suddenly" hooked on substances. We hear stories ad nauseum of substance abuse in Hollywood, but few positive stories of seeking help and successful recovery. Sure, maybe artistic types possess more of a natural proclivity to addiction. But with the multitude of avenues for getting help, it seems remiss to allow oneself to venture into such a destructive lifestyle. Not to mention, downright careless to ignore the numerous stories of such lifestyles leading to the demise of countless celebrities.

Isn't it sad, perhaps even pathetic, that the first thing so many of us ask when another celebrity dies is "what drugs was s/he on?" Yet there's no concerted effort to cease the practice. Currently much ire exists for celebrity doctors who assist their "patients" with acquiring drugs, then stand by idly as said drugs are used to excess and used in lethal combinations. But the half-hearted effort to end this abuse is a facade. We, as a society, gobble up the latest celebrity gossip, gorge on it, belch to make room, then beg for more when we find a void in our own lives. We choke on the stories that are just too much--like child abuse--and push them away. But something as juicy as a crazed celebrity going on a drug-induced rampage, possibly even one that ends fatally? More, please! People, we are disgusting.

I must say, for the most part I do not buy into the celebrity culture. I'm not attempting to be holier than thou, I just prefer to partake in my own wild adventures rather than living vicariously through someone I do not know at all, but for forking over my $12 to see their movies or buy their records. I think this sentiment became more cemented in my head once I began working in TV news. Watching the reporters and anchors field repeated harassment when they simply desired a night out with friends often proved too much for me to handle. Having to stand idly by while person after person comes up to share life stories, get a picture, and perhaps even try to touch the "celebrity"... well I find that ludicrous. I adore my anonymity and when I encounter celebrities I prefer to let them have some peace. I enjoy movies, TV shows and music as much as the next person, but I also realize the art of doing these things is a job. I certainly wouldn't want to endure constant questions and comments about my job when I'm away from work. Sure, these people put themselves in the spotlight by choosing an unusual type of business, but the public often draws no line between reality and fiction. Many exhibit no common decency when approaching someone famous and think because the person is a public figure, anything goes--even sometimes verbal abuse. I do believe it's the constant badgering and constantly having to be "on" that drives some celebrities batty.

But I digress. Back to Whitney Houston. Anyone who is truly surprised by the outcome needs a small slap upside the head. I don't mean to judge her or to prematurely characterize the situation as a run of the mill celebrity overdose. Any variety of scenarios could absolutely exist. However, I believe non-overdose scenarios to be unlikely. Unfortunately, Houston will likely be yet another in an ever-growing string of celebrities who live forever in history as someone who succumbed to substance abuse.

Some fans are dismayed that Houston's family chose a private funeral, and that there will not be a large, public ceremony. But never fear. There will be opportunities to watch the whole display on the internet. Look, this is not some sort of concert to be followed online and sung along to, this is a human being's funeral. Normal people dread attending funerals, so why are scores of people enamored with the prospect of watching one on the internet? It's morbid. Let that family grieve privately as they requested. And now there's news that Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey has authorized the flying of American flags at half staff on state buildings in Houston's honor. Are you kidding me??!! This is an honor typically reserved for recognizing fallen heroes who served our country, be it in the military, on a police force or as a firefighter. While Houston may have been influential in her own way, she absolutely does not deserve the honor. It's an insult to all who have received the half staff honor--such as the firefighter here in my area who is being buried today because he fell from I-395 while fighting a car fire. Flags are flying at half staff for him in my neighborhood. But Whitney Houston? Personally, I find the whole thing, from funeral to half staff, disgusting and offensive.

Whitney's demons ultimately claimed her life.

Was her music beautiful and inspirational? Absolutely. But where were all these people proclaiming their love for Houston just two weeks ago? Probably calling her a whacked out crack whore and not listening to the dusty CDs of hers lying in the back of the closet. Who supported her when she was sorting through hard times in the public eye? Certainly not all of these people now weeping at her death. Remember that reality show she did with then-husband Bobbi Brown ("Being Bobbi Brown")? Remember what a train wreck that turned into? The type of train wreck that the public can't stop gawking at, barring a few seconds to scoff and roll eyes at the conductor. How about the National Enquirer story on her crack cocaine use? Most people said, "How sad" and moved on. This horrible period in her life never totally left her, even wrecking her voice such that when she recently attempted a comeback, she was booed off stage more than once. Where were her supporters then? Nobody, and I mean nobody, who mocked Houston during that time or called her a coke head or crack whore has the right to become emotional at her death now. Sentiment should have poured forth years ago and cries should have spouted, non-judgementally, from mouths about getting that poor woman help. I admit, I was a jackass who partook in the mockery. But I am not clutching my heart now and spewing her songs while moaning that she was such a fantastic person, if only someone had helped her.

I feel for Whitney Houston in the same way I feel for anyone who had a tough life and endured seemingly endless struggles. I will allow the few lifelong fans who were particularly touched by her music and stayed true all these years to get a little emotional at the loss of someone who may have influenced their lives. But you won't find me suddenly clogging up my mp3 player with her songs, and you won't find me glued to my TV trying to get tidbits of news, or starting up conversations about her life and trials. I will view this as I do the passing of any person whom I do not know. I will simply hope that her troubled soul has finally found peace, and avoid dwelling on it. Then I will move on. Because that is what life is about--growing strong and moving on in the face of adversity.

Lights, Camera... No Action?

As much as I enjoy watching a good movie, there are a good many I haven't seen that I should. These are the "classics" from which people are able to quote on cue, and about which I receive shocked looks when I admit I haven't seen them. It's really unfortunate, considering I've seen crap movies like "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" at least 3 times, and only recently sat down to watch "The Graduate."

I've been asked if perhaps I'm missing out on a lot of pop culture references in everyday life by not having seen movies that produce such quintessential quotes as "I am serious. And don't call me Shirley." I don't think my offenses are egregious, considering I do keep up with most of the references. It's just that I'm more likely to spend three minutes to Google a quote or a video clip from a movie than I am to sit down and watch the entire multi-hour affair.

I think part of the problem lies in taking the time to watch movies that are so pervasive in pop culture, and being wildly disappointed. "Scarface"? Not a fan. "Deliverance"? One of the worst movies I've ever seen. EVER. My worry is that some of the following movies would equally disappoint and I would regret wasting my time when I already know the relevant points or quotes.

Without further ado, here is my list of the top movies I regularly get chastised for never having seen, in no particular order. I'm sure there will be more added once people see this and start questioning me about the glaring omissions in my movie catalog. (Note: If there are multiple installments of a movie, such as The "Naked Gun" series, please assume I have seen none of them.)

-Airplane!--Yes, it's a travesty that I haven't seen this. But I know all the important lines. "By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?" "I speak jive" "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking/drinking/sniffing glue" and all the greats. Do I really have to see it if I can already quote it?
-Top Gun--I'm not the biggest Tom Cruise fan. I have no desire to waste my time watching him play volleyball for 10 minutes. Plus, I'm already incredibly familiar with the Berlin song "Take My Breath Away" and many of the adventures of Goose and Maverick. I think I'm good.
-The Naked Gun--I used to actively dislike Leslie Nielsen when I was younger, but I appreciate the type of humor in this movie genre far more now. I may need to at least watch the first one.
-The Exorcist--This falls in the category of "horror movies," all of which I have to avoid. Not because they scare me silly when I'm watching them, but because I sleepwalk and these movies come back to haunt me at night. (Don't worry, I'll probably do a post on sleep walking at some point.) It will save time on this list to simply assume I haven't seen any significant horror movies, including Psycho and all the Nightmare on Elm Street and Halloween flicks. At the very least, I haven't seen them all the way through.
-Die Hard-John McClane is revered by American men everywhere, and these movies sound like the type of action flicks I would enjoy. There's no excuse for my negligence.
-Dirty Harry--I am feeling lucky, punk. I'll see this at some point.
-Rambo--I'm not a Sylvester Stallone fan at all.
-Rocky--See above, plus I'm not a fan of watching boxing.
-Caddyshack--I quote this all the time. I'm crazy for not having seen it because it looks really appealing.
-Unforgiven--Chris just recently got me to revisit westerns, which I traditionally dislike and fall asleep during. I actually liked "Tombstone," so I think it's time to check out this one.
-Brokeback Mountain--Again with the westerns. I know this was considered groundbreaking when it came out, but I was late to the train in watching it. At this point, I think I understand the concept enough to skip it.
-Total Recall--I may need to see this just because all of the talk about the woman with three breasts.
-The Fifth Element--I'm far more interested in science fiction now than I used to be (barring the Star Wars movies, which I always thought were awesome), so I may actually have to check it out.
-Strange Brew--My buddy Abraham, whom I met when we both lived in Madison, WI, likes to call me a hoser. He says it's a reference to this movie. I need to see it for that, and to watch the adventures of someone getting locked in a beer vat.
-Saving Private Ryan--I'm sure this would be great, but it takes a lot to get me in the mood to watch war movies.
-Dirty Dancing--I know this is on most girls' list of movies to see, but I'm not too girly so I don't know that I'd like it. Plus, I know the most memorable quote well enough to switch it and make it relevant to me personally: "Nobody puts Katie in a corner."
-The Sound of Music--I'm sure this is a really lovely film. However, I'm not that into showtunes, and I can't bring myself to knowingly sit down for a 3+ hour epic film.
-Robocop--OK, I know just about everybody saw this, but I can't imagine it's great enough that I need to visit it at this point in time.
-Gone With the Wind--Meh.
-Alien--I really dislike the thought of aliens. Refer to the aforementioned horror film phenomenon under "The Exorcist."
-Jaws--I like scuba diving so I see no reason to try to scare myself out of that.
-Splash--Hmmm. I got nothin' here.
-Spaceballs--I've seen so many individual clips of this movie, but never have I sat down and watched it all in sequence.
-Blazing Saddles--See "Caddyshack."
-Blues Brothers--I've seen parts of this one and haven't been too impressed. I probably should watch it at some point though, considering some of it was shot in my beloved Milwaukee.
-Major League--This should also be on the must watch list having been shot in Milwaukee when I lived there. Plus, I always love me a little Bob Uecker.
-This is Spinal Tap--I slept through 80% of this.
-The Goonies--I have seen many, many clips and enjoy them, but never watched the entire thing.

OK, so I think you get the gist. At least I know many of the references from these movies and typically don't give a blank stare when someone talks about John McClane or says, "May the schwartz be with you." I understand people's chagrin at my not having seen these flicks, because it pains me that many millenials haven't seen a lot of the movies I deem classics. My soul hurts when people do odd face contortions trying to figure out what I mean when referring to a flux capacitor or Slimer. I'll do my part with trying to hack down this list of unseen movies if you do your part and make sure the all the millenials you know start hacking down their lists.


In the comments section, feel free to add any other movies you get chastised for not having seen.

How Rude!

It's official. Travel + Leisure magazine has dubbed Washington, DC one of the rudest cities in America (#3). As you can imagine, we are all so proud. Actually, I don't think anyone here cares that much.

If you study the list you'll find that, with a few exceptions, the top 20 rudest cities in America are the top 20 largest cities in America. This actually makes sense to me when examining the characteristics of a city. I believe the main contributing factor is lifestyle pace. Cities, by nature, tend to be more hectic and more rushed. We simply don't have time to worry about a silly little thing like a rudeness survey.

As part of this lifestyle where most things are hurried, conversations are no exception. Directions, advice and short conversations are done with the same abrupt efficiency as, say, walking down the street to arrive at work on time or quickly procuring money from an ATM. For people who hail from smaller cities, it might seem normal to say hello to everyone on the street. However, in larger cities, greeting the hundreds or even thousands of people who pass by on a daily basis would be downright maddening and exhausting. It's not rude to avoid such a practice, it's merely self preservation.

This is definitely rude. Do not emulate this granny.

I think another problem is the definition of what is considered rude. For instance, unnecessarily mocking a person, rolling eyes or refusing to answer an inquiry definitely constitutes rude behavior. But choosing not to go out of one's way to start up or continue a conversation isn't necessarily rude. Ignoring a person who is talking to you while clicking away on your cell phone: rude. Not starting up conversations with random people on the train so you can click on your cell phone: not rude. Granted, DC does house an unusually large contingent of overly educated, overly egotistical people. Arrogance, in and of itself, is not necessarily rude. Off-putting? Yes. Rude? It depends. Scoffing at a visitor and acting like they should already know the answers to their own questions... well, that type of arrogance is definitely unacceptable. Merely not making time to begin a conversation with a visitor because you feel there are better ways to spend your time? While annoying and self serving, this is not necessarily rude. I think we can all picture flagrant examples of rudeness, but also some borderline examples. It's time to ignore the borderline.

Should I be concerned that people's rudeness in DC doesn't seem as glaring to me as it used to? Truly, I feel like I've encountered fewer genuinely rude people here than in Miami (#2 on the list) when I lived there (prime examples of rudeness: twice I saw disabled people fall in Miami and nobody helped but me. There were actually people laughing). I remember one time when I had lived in Miami for less than a year and then went back to visit my family in Milwaukee. Someone started talking to my mom and me while we were in line at the grocery store. Not just idle chit chat, but a significant conversation. Upon her first turning around and addressing us with the conversation-starting question, I recoiled and gave a bit of an odd look. Once my mother and I were safely outside she recommended that I take my guard down because not everyone was trying to scam, harrass or insult me. I couldn't believe how a few months in a place where it's common to hurl snippy comments at strangers had made such a thick skin form that I couldn't instantly recognize a nice conversation with a stranger. People visiting a larger city should remember this story and realize that once the protective wall is up, it can be tricky to take it down on a whim.

Another part of the problem in the DC area is the enormous contingent of transplants from stereotypically "nice" areas such as the South or the Midwest. Going from any overly friendly place to one that is less so will naturally give a bit of a jolt. Most of the people I've met from the South or Midwest (myself included) genuinely do take an interest in the people they're talking to, instead of exhibiting the stereotypical DC trait of only talking to someone to find out what they can do for you. Bringing together people from the friendlier areas of the country and mixing them with people from less touchy-feely areas like the East Coast can make for an unusual melting pot in which the ingredients don't always blend together as expected.

It's important to remember that different people thrive better in different environments. That is why there are so many different lifestyles, cities and towns of different sizes and different people who live there. There's nothing wrong with living at a slower pace, just like there's nothing wrong with running around all day without seeking out human interaction at every turn.

It's OK, and encouraged, to hang up the phone.

Perhaps we all should cut each other some slack. City dwellers, how about hanging up that cell phone and taking a few extra seconds for the visitors (and each other!) without a biting comment? Tourists and newcomers to the city, how about not expecting a huge smile and fulfilling conversation from everybody you pass? Let's take others' unique qualities into consideration and form a truce. Oh, and that also means no more under-the-breath comments about city people being "pushy as$%&*es" or people from smaller towns being "backwards hicks." Let's take just a moment to work this all out... because this post has already been too long for us annoying, rude "city folks," and we don't have any more than a moment to spare.