To Sleep(walk), Perchance to Dream

Vampires and collapsing ceilings and hot lava, oh my! Does this sound like the latest Hollywood attempt at drawing teen girls into a movie theater? Well it's not. Welcome to my dreams, and my life as a sleepwalker.

As promised, I'm doing a post on this topic because people seem to be fascinated with the fact that I sleepwalk. I had always thought it was something everyone did, but I have been proven wrong on many, many occasions. By proven wrong, I mean people squeal with glee and ask for crazy sleepwalking stories because they've "never known anyone who does that!" Yay me.

This started for me at a very young age. One of my first memories of sleepwalking was when I was probably six years old. I awoke to find myself standing in the living room, facing the babysitter who was sitting on the couch. She had this wide-eyed look on her face and didn't know what to say. I had no idea what I was doing there or what I had said to her. I panicked, asked her to have my parents come see me when they got home, and ran into my bedroom. My mother did come to see me when she returned home and heard about my glazed-over expression while talking to the babysitter. I remember being so embarrassed I think I begged my mom not to hire that girl again. Luckily, kids are resilient and we all moved on after my mom explained to the sitter what had happened.

Consider for a moment why I thought sleepwalking was not such an unusual activity. I had heard stories about my dad being a sleepwalker when he was younger. In fact there's quite an amusing tale of him waking up one morning and his dad telling him to clean out the garbage can. When he protested, he was told how he took a stroll through the house the previous night, all the while still asleep, and mistook the garbage can for a urinal. Hearing stories like this made me feel "normal" and like I wasn't alone. Plus, I have encountered a number of sleeptalkers throughout my life, so I figured they were walkers as well. Not so much. It turns out only 1%-15% of the population sleepwalks.

This is NOT what sleepwalkers look like.

Stop picturing those stereotypical sleepwalking scenes of people walking like zombies, arms outstretched and eyes shut. It's nothing like that. A lot of people don't even realize when they've encountered someone who's sleepwalking, because the afflicted sleeper can actually carry on a semi-intelligent conversation. Different people are affected differently, but most have open, glassy eyes and can carry out regular activities.  It's just that the brain isn't fully registering what's going on, and movements might be a little slow or jerky.

Yes, it can be an incredibly dangerous problem. For the most part, I have been lucky not to harm myself. Except once in college. Remember those loft beds in the dorms to make room for a desk underneath? Well I had one of those, but it was built a little too close to the ceiling for my subconscious to be comfortable with it. About a week in, I dreamed that spikes were coming down from the ceiling and falling down on me, so I rolled right off my loft to try to avoid them. By pure luck, that night I had moved the wooden chair that I typically used to climb up into bed; had it been there as it was every other night, I would have cracked my head open on the chair. Instead, I made the 6 foot tumble to the floor, knocked myself out, and bashed the heck out of my hip. I came to at some point in the middle of the night in so much pain I could barely walk. The doctor said I had bruised my hip and stressed some ligaments, which led to a two month limp, but thankfully that was the worst of it. After that incident, I lowered my loft a bit, and was ordered by friends and family to install rails on the side of my bed like a two-year-old. That's definitely the mature look I desired in college.

When I met the man who is now my husband, I made an interesting discovery about 8 months into our relationship. We went to Las Vegas on our first trip together, and the first night we had an episode. I woke up gasping with my arms over my head, trying to hold up the ceiling that was, of course, collapsing onto me. At that same moment, Chris was leaping over the bed because he thought it was hot lava. The simultaneous activity woke us both up, and perhaps that moment when we gazed with embarrassment into each other's eyes was the exact moment I knew we were meant to be.

Not only is Chris a sleepwalker, but he is far worse than I am. All of the triplets exhibit this trait to some degree, but I do think Chris is the worst. I can't tell you how often one of us wakes up in a panic and the other has to offer calming words. Chris tends to sleepwalk most when he's overtired or stressed out with work, and actually brings work into his dreams. He's an electrical engineer who works on nuclear power plants, and I've caught him trying to "rewire" our curtains or ceiling, solve issues with cooling towers and on many, many occasions, he jumps up and runs to the sink to splash water on his eyes because he thinks acid has splattered on him. The trouble comes when both of us sleepwalk at the same time and can't offer calming techniques, such as with the Las Vegas story. Or, you know, earlier this week when Chris sat bolt upright in bed yelling that some person/beast/ghost near our bedroom door was peering at us, and I then sat bolt upright and was convinced I saw it too. We huddled together, trying to figure out what to do, and then we both woke up. Yes, we're unusual.

While reading about sleepwalking, I learned that it's not uncommon in childhood, but most kids grow out of it. Good for them. Although scientists aren't fully certain why sleepwalking occurs, Chris' brother, who is a psychologist, explained to me what is believed to happen in those of us who don't grow out of it. Humans are wired to have paralysis when they're dreaming as a safety measure. Those of us who sleepwalk lack that nervous system mechanism that causes the paralysis. It really is a defect of sorts, and sleepwalkers exhibit this to varying degrees. Plus, sleepwalking has been identified as a genetic trait that runs in families. People who have one parent who does it are 45% more likely to sleepwalk, and those with two parents who do it are 60% more likely. As previously mentioned, my dad did it, my mom did as a child, Chris' brothers do it and Chris' mom has done it. If Chris and I ever had children, they'd be pretty much screwed.

I hope not to do something really dangerous while sleepwalking.

You might not think of certain safety measures if you're not a sleepwalker, but planning for sleep usually ends up being a larger event for us. When we were having air circulation issues in our home, Chris suggested keeping our bedroom door open a bit to let the warm air flow better throughout the house. At that suggestion, I looked at him with fear in my eyes and he simply said, "I know." What did he know? That "they" would come for us with the open door. "They" could be any creature, person or object that comes after us in our sleep and forces us to take action. Naturally, they're going to creep in through the open door. We often have to make adjustments with things left around the bedroom. Closet doors must be shut, or "they" will pop out of there during the night. No clothing strewn around the room, or the lumpy objects will manifest themselves in our sleepwalking episodes as intruders. Typically our incidents don't involve leaving the room except for a few extremely severe examples (often brought on by having a fever while sick), so we haven't had to worry about securing sharp objects.

I mentioned in a previous post that I can't watch horror movies, not because they scare me while awake, but because then "they" will come after me in my sleep. That can, and has, led to night terrors that include blood-curdling screams. When "The Grudge" came out a number of years ago, just seeing the commercial of that child ghoulie crawling across the floor was enough to cause a month's worth of sleepwalking. On more than one occasion, I found myself standing on my bed, wrapped in sheets as protection, because I "saw" the ghoulie coming at me across the floor and he was coming onto my bed next. I've had enough similar incidents throughout the years by accidentally seeing clips, or even trying to force myself to watch a whole movie to "get over it," that I now avoid horror movies altogether.

It's often difficult to wake up from sleepwalking episodes, and personally, it takes me quite a while to reach consciousness. I've noticed that both Chris and myself often think we're awake and fully functional when we're actually not. It's really disorienting and often frightening not just because most of the acted out dreams are nightmares, but because I don't know what's going on when I wake up. What's weird is that often I don't remember sleepwalking unless I wake up in the middle of it, or am reminded about it the next day. It really makes me wonder how many embarrassing performances I've put on at sleepovers. I guess it's just one of those quirks that makes me unique and provides great stories for people to laugh at.

Thanks for joining me on my sleepwalking journey. As a courtesy, if you ever see me wandering around when I'm supposed to be asleep, simply soothe me and send me back to bed. I'll try my best not to scream bloody murder because my subconscious morphed you into a vampire.

Houston, We Have a Problem

Although it is a natural part of the life cycle and something we can all expect at some point, death is never easy to deal with. Living through the loss of a loved one conjures a plethora of feelings--most of them negative. Nearly all of us have dealt with a soul-crushing loss that rattled us to our inner beings. I can say with a fair amount of certainty, that for the vast majority of us, that loss was not the passing of Whitney Houston.

A death is always tragic. But we might be going too far with Houston's.

So why are so many people mourning her death as though it were a close personal friend who passed? The same scenario played out when Michael Jackson died, and it leaves me utterly befuddled. The losses, while unfortunate, are not worthy of random fans wailing in the streets, blubbering through tears on TV, and suddenly acting as though Whitney Houston were the most important thing since the invention of the internet.

It's an incredibly unfortunate loss, but I'd like to curb overuse of the word "tragic" to describe Houston's situation. I reserve that term for inexplicable, intensely sad instances like a small child being murdered or a good person dying while trying to help someone else. I have much difficulty using the word for celebrities with odd ego issues who repeatedly fall into drug or alcohol hazes. I'm not insinuating that battling a drug or alcohol addiction is easy, because I recognize it's anything but. Average folks struggle with these demons on a daily basis. However, Hollywood seems to be rife with the types of personalities who revel in the crazy strung-out lifestyle, then express surprise when they're "suddenly" hooked on substances. We hear stories ad nauseum of substance abuse in Hollywood, but few positive stories of seeking help and successful recovery. Sure, maybe artistic types possess more of a natural proclivity to addiction. But with the multitude of avenues for getting help, it seems remiss to allow oneself to venture into such a destructive lifestyle. Not to mention, downright careless to ignore the numerous stories of such lifestyles leading to the demise of countless celebrities.

Isn't it sad, perhaps even pathetic, that the first thing so many of us ask when another celebrity dies is "what drugs was s/he on?" Yet there's no concerted effort to cease the practice. Currently much ire exists for celebrity doctors who assist their "patients" with acquiring drugs, then stand by idly as said drugs are used to excess and used in lethal combinations. But the half-hearted effort to end this abuse is a facade. We, as a society, gobble up the latest celebrity gossip, gorge on it, belch to make room, then beg for more when we find a void in our own lives. We choke on the stories that are just too much--like child abuse--and push them away. But something as juicy as a crazed celebrity going on a drug-induced rampage, possibly even one that ends fatally? More, please! People, we are disgusting.

I must say, for the most part I do not buy into the celebrity culture. I'm not attempting to be holier than thou, I just prefer to partake in my own wild adventures rather than living vicariously through someone I do not know at all, but for forking over my $12 to see their movies or buy their records. I think this sentiment became more cemented in my head once I began working in TV news. Watching the reporters and anchors field repeated harassment when they simply desired a night out with friends often proved too much for me to handle. Having to stand idly by while person after person comes up to share life stories, get a picture, and perhaps even try to touch the "celebrity"... well I find that ludicrous. I adore my anonymity and when I encounter celebrities I prefer to let them have some peace. I enjoy movies, TV shows and music as much as the next person, but I also realize the art of doing these things is a job. I certainly wouldn't want to endure constant questions and comments about my job when I'm away from work. Sure, these people put themselves in the spotlight by choosing an unusual type of business, but the public often draws no line between reality and fiction. Many exhibit no common decency when approaching someone famous and think because the person is a public figure, anything goes--even sometimes verbal abuse. I do believe it's the constant badgering and constantly having to be "on" that drives some celebrities batty.

But I digress. Back to Whitney Houston. Anyone who is truly surprised by the outcome needs a small slap upside the head. I don't mean to judge her or to prematurely characterize the situation as a run of the mill celebrity overdose. Any variety of scenarios could absolutely exist. However, I believe non-overdose scenarios to be unlikely. Unfortunately, Houston will likely be yet another in an ever-growing string of celebrities who live forever in history as someone who succumbed to substance abuse.

Some fans are dismayed that Houston's family chose a private funeral, and that there will not be a large, public ceremony. But never fear. There will be opportunities to watch the whole display on the internet. Look, this is not some sort of concert to be followed online and sung along to, this is a human being's funeral. Normal people dread attending funerals, so why are scores of people enamored with the prospect of watching one on the internet? It's morbid. Let that family grieve privately as they requested. And now there's news that Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey has authorized the flying of American flags at half staff on state buildings in Houston's honor. Are you kidding me??!! This is an honor typically reserved for recognizing fallen heroes who served our country, be it in the military, on a police force or as a firefighter. While Houston may have been influential in her own way, she absolutely does not deserve the honor. It's an insult to all who have received the half staff honor--such as the firefighter here in my area who is being buried today because he fell from I-395 while fighting a car fire. Flags are flying at half staff for him in my neighborhood. But Whitney Houston? Personally, I find the whole thing, from funeral to half staff, disgusting and offensive.

Whitney's demons ultimately claimed her life.

Was her music beautiful and inspirational? Absolutely. But where were all these people proclaiming their love for Houston just two weeks ago? Probably calling her a whacked out crack whore and not listening to the dusty CDs of hers lying in the back of the closet. Who supported her when she was sorting through hard times in the public eye? Certainly not all of these people now weeping at her death. Remember that reality show she did with then-husband Bobbi Brown ("Being Bobbi Brown")? Remember what a train wreck that turned into? The type of train wreck that the public can't stop gawking at, barring a few seconds to scoff and roll eyes at the conductor. How about the National Enquirer story on her crack cocaine use? Most people said, "How sad" and moved on. This horrible period in her life never totally left her, even wrecking her voice such that when she recently attempted a comeback, she was booed off stage more than once. Where were her supporters then? Nobody, and I mean nobody, who mocked Houston during that time or called her a coke head or crack whore has the right to become emotional at her death now. Sentiment should have poured forth years ago and cries should have spouted, non-judgementally, from mouths about getting that poor woman help. I admit, I was a jackass who partook in the mockery. But I am not clutching my heart now and spewing her songs while moaning that she was such a fantastic person, if only someone had helped her.

I feel for Whitney Houston in the same way I feel for anyone who had a tough life and endured seemingly endless struggles. I will allow the few lifelong fans who were particularly touched by her music and stayed true all these years to get a little emotional at the loss of someone who may have influenced their lives. But you won't find me suddenly clogging up my mp3 player with her songs, and you won't find me glued to my TV trying to get tidbits of news, or starting up conversations about her life and trials. I will view this as I do the passing of any person whom I do not know. I will simply hope that her troubled soul has finally found peace, and avoid dwelling on it. Then I will move on. Because that is what life is about--growing strong and moving on in the face of adversity.

Lights, Camera... No Action?

As much as I enjoy watching a good movie, there are a good many I haven't seen that I should. These are the "classics" from which people are able to quote on cue, and about which I receive shocked looks when I admit I haven't seen them. It's really unfortunate, considering I've seen crap movies like "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" at least 3 times, and only recently sat down to watch "The Graduate."

I've been asked if perhaps I'm missing out on a lot of pop culture references in everyday life by not having seen movies that produce such quintessential quotes as "I am serious. And don't call me Shirley." I don't think my offenses are egregious, considering I do keep up with most of the references. It's just that I'm more likely to spend three minutes to Google a quote or a video clip from a movie than I am to sit down and watch the entire multi-hour affair.

I think part of the problem lies in taking the time to watch movies that are so pervasive in pop culture, and being wildly disappointed. "Scarface"? Not a fan. "Deliverance"? One of the worst movies I've ever seen. EVER. My worry is that some of the following movies would equally disappoint and I would regret wasting my time when I already know the relevant points or quotes.

Without further ado, here is my list of the top movies I regularly get chastised for never having seen, in no particular order. I'm sure there will be more added once people see this and start questioning me about the glaring omissions in my movie catalog. (Note: If there are multiple installments of a movie, such as The "Naked Gun" series, please assume I have seen none of them.)

-Airplane!--Yes, it's a travesty that I haven't seen this. But I know all the important lines. "By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?" "I speak jive" "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking/drinking/sniffing glue" and all the greats. Do I really have to see it if I can already quote it?
-Top Gun--I'm not the biggest Tom Cruise fan. I have no desire to waste my time watching him play volleyball for 10 minutes. Plus, I'm already incredibly familiar with the Berlin song "Take My Breath Away" and many of the adventures of Goose and Maverick. I think I'm good.
-The Naked Gun--I used to actively dislike Leslie Nielsen when I was younger, but I appreciate the type of humor in this movie genre far more now. I may need to at least watch the first one.
-The Exorcist--This falls in the category of "horror movies," all of which I have to avoid. Not because they scare me silly when I'm watching them, but because I sleepwalk and these movies come back to haunt me at night. (Don't worry, I'll probably do a post on sleep walking at some point.) It will save time on this list to simply assume I haven't seen any significant horror movies, including Psycho and all the Nightmare on Elm Street and Halloween flicks. At the very least, I haven't seen them all the way through.
-Die Hard-John McClane is revered by American men everywhere, and these movies sound like the type of action flicks I would enjoy. There's no excuse for my negligence.
-Dirty Harry--I am feeling lucky, punk. I'll see this at some point.
-Rambo--I'm not a Sylvester Stallone fan at all.
-Rocky--See above, plus I'm not a fan of watching boxing.
-Caddyshack--I quote this all the time. I'm crazy for not having seen it because it looks really appealing.
-Unforgiven--Chris just recently got me to revisit westerns, which I traditionally dislike and fall asleep during. I actually liked "Tombstone," so I think it's time to check out this one.
-Brokeback Mountain--Again with the westerns. I know this was considered groundbreaking when it came out, but I was late to the train in watching it. At this point, I think I understand the concept enough to skip it.
-Total Recall--I may need to see this just because all of the talk about the woman with three breasts.
-The Fifth Element--I'm far more interested in science fiction now than I used to be (barring the Star Wars movies, which I always thought were awesome), so I may actually have to check it out.
-Strange Brew--My buddy Abraham, whom I met when we both lived in Madison, WI, likes to call me a hoser. He says it's a reference to this movie. I need to see it for that, and to watch the adventures of someone getting locked in a beer vat.
-Saving Private Ryan--I'm sure this would be great, but it takes a lot to get me in the mood to watch war movies.
-Dirty Dancing--I know this is on most girls' list of movies to see, but I'm not too girly so I don't know that I'd like it. Plus, I know the most memorable quote well enough to switch it and make it relevant to me personally: "Nobody puts Katie in a corner."
-The Sound of Music--I'm sure this is a really lovely film. However, I'm not that into showtunes, and I can't bring myself to knowingly sit down for a 3+ hour epic film.
-Robocop--OK, I know just about everybody saw this, but I can't imagine it's great enough that I need to visit it at this point in time.
-Gone With the Wind--Meh.
-Alien--I really dislike the thought of aliens. Refer to the aforementioned horror film phenomenon under "The Exorcist."
-Jaws--I like scuba diving so I see no reason to try to scare myself out of that.
-Splash--Hmmm. I got nothin' here.
-Spaceballs--I've seen so many individual clips of this movie, but never have I sat down and watched it all in sequence.
-Blazing Saddles--See "Caddyshack."
-Blues Brothers--I've seen parts of this one and haven't been too impressed. I probably should watch it at some point though, considering some of it was shot in my beloved Milwaukee.
-Major League--This should also be on the must watch list having been shot in Milwaukee when I lived there. Plus, I always love me a little Bob Uecker.
-This is Spinal Tap--I slept through 80% of this.
-The Goonies--I have seen many, many clips and enjoy them, but never watched the entire thing.

OK, so I think you get the gist. At least I know many of the references from these movies and typically don't give a blank stare when someone talks about John McClane or says, "May the schwartz be with you." I understand people's chagrin at my not having seen these flicks, because it pains me that many millenials haven't seen a lot of the movies I deem classics. My soul hurts when people do odd face contortions trying to figure out what I mean when referring to a flux capacitor or Slimer. I'll do my part with trying to hack down this list of unseen movies if you do your part and make sure the all the millenials you know start hacking down their lists.


In the comments section, feel free to add any other movies you get chastised for not having seen.