Friday, October 21, 2011

For the Love of Cougars

Over the past ten years or so there's been an increased fascination with "cougars." You know, the women who are on the prowl for young, fresh meat. Unfortunately, there's also been gross misuse of the term "cougar" and I'm about to shed light on that.

Upon consulting the quintessential resource for hip vernacular--Urbandictionary.com--I found a number of entries for cougar. Here are pieces of the two most popular and most coherent:

1. Cougar
An older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man. The cougar can be anyone from an overly surgically altered wind tunnel victim, to an absolute sad and bloated old horn-meister, to a real hottie or milf. 
2. Cougar
(see also hunt, prowl, corner, pounce). Noun. A 35+ year old female who is on the "hunt" for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male. The cougar can frequently be seen in a padded bra, cleavage exposed, propped up against a swanky bar... gearing up to sink her claws into an innocent young and strapping buck who happens to cross her path.
Pretty simple, right? So why am I up in arms about the use of the term? Because it has somehow morphed due to overuse and often includes all women in their 30s-50s, not exclusively those who are on the prowl for young men. When I use the term "cougar" I literally mean a woman hunting for a younger guy to use as a boy toy. I don't mean a woman in her 30s or older who simply enjoys going out to restaurants, lounges or bars for a social experience. Most (if not all) of the single women I know don't set out looking for a younger man, so the increasingly casual use of the term typically isn't appropriate.

Here's a cougar pouncing on its prey.
 


Here's another cougar pouncing on its prey.













I mostly blame the young dudes who are of the age to be prime cougar meat for slinging around the term indiscriminately. Secretly, I think some of them desperately want to be targeted by a cougar, although in reality it hasn't happened, and likely won't. It's a lot easier for them to view these women as old, sad, pathetic and worthy of rude jokes rather than to admit cougars aren't that prevalent, and most older women have absolutely no interest in youngsters in the first place. As far as I'm concerned, snarkily calling someone a "cougar" is the modern day equivalent to the equally infuriating classic rejected-guy line of "she's probably a lesbian anyway."

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of young women who refer to older women as cougars as well. But I've found it to be a less common occurence than with men.

I've recently discovered several bars in my area being referred to as "cougar bars." There are websites devoted specifically to listing such bars throughout the country. Upon looking at some of these, it riles me that they're often places that 30 and 40-somethings regularly hang out. I've noticed a growing number of young people, typically men, referring to any establishment where 30 and 40-somethings gather as a cougar bar. Let's think about this. Logically, wouldn't cougars have far better luck by targeting bars where 20-somethings hang out?

Guess what hipsters, we like going out too! Passing the age of 29 does not mean it's suddenly unacceptable to venture outside the confines of one's own domicile. But listening to some of the younguns speak would lead me to believe that is the case. BELIEVE ME, most of us no longer have any desire to frequent your hangouts.  We don't want to cram into a scummy bar or club, elbow to elbow with 1,500 gyrating people whom we can't hear anyway, while fending off immature dudes and their unoriginal pickup lines, steering away from pervs who use the packed-like-sardines excuse as a reason for rubbing against us, and avoiding the inexperienced drinkers who appear on the verge of projectile vomiting. So just leave me be at my wine lounge where I have breathing room, delicious drinks, (sometimes) stimulating conversations and don't have to worry about whether my cute shoes will need to be wiped clean at the end of the night. Let it be known: hangouts for people over the age of 29 are not necessarily cougar bars.

Another rule to remember is that just because we're older and they're younger does not make young men instantly irresistable. The rules of attraction still apply regardless of age. So pull up your pants, comb your overly long hair, stop brooding and come back to chat when you have something to say other than how misunderstood you are both at work and by your parents.

By the time maturity sets in, these guys will be the same age as the cougars, and will have lost all ability to be viewed as meat. And maybe then they'll stop referring to all adult hangouts as cougar bars and all women over 30 as cougars. Because, of course, after turning 30 they'll have lost their edge and will simply be considered "dirty old men" who hang out at dirty old man bars.

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