Happy Skank-o-ween!

Ahhh, Halloween, how I love thee. The holiday has become such an overblown, ridiculous occasion, but I can't get enough of it. Except for the slutty costumes.

Sexy skunk? Huh?

I'm sure all the dudes reading this are angry right now, but hear me out. Truly, if you want to see a parade of flesh rivaling Halloween, all you have to do is walk by (or into, if you're brave) the latest hot club on any given Friday or Saturday night. As far as costumes go, I'm mostly chastising slutty costumes that aren't well thought out. For instance, slutty skunk. Really? You want to wear a costume of something with a smelly butt and think that's going to be sexy? Let's reconsider.

Tainted turtle

Some costumes are just not meant to cross the "sexy" line. Taxi drivers, convicts and miners are good examples. My friend Ariana, who shares my dislike of the Sexy Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles costumes, addressed a different category: sacred memories from childhood. As she said, "I don't like slutty costumes that taint something wonderful from my youth." Well said.

I'm really not sure when Halloween became Skank-o-ween, but I surmise it's a somewhat recent change. The transformation was not rapid, but rather seems to be a slowly spreading trend over the past decade or two. I'm not sure why women feel the need to only wear insanely revealing costumes, or even go out wearing nothing more than underwear, but it's disturbing. Don't get me wrong, some of the revealing costumes are cool or funny. But by and large it's just a lame attempt to show off some flesh.

The first prize winners--the yip yips!

I know, I know, you're thinking, "Calm down, grandma." I'm just partial to really clever costumes, and again, very few slutty costumes are clever. And they definitely won't win costume contests, which is one of the main draws of Halloween as far as I'm concerned. Now that I'm officially a first prize costume contest winner, along with aforementioned Ariana, I deem my point even more valid. We won by creating costumes of the yip yip aliens from Sesame Street. They were really a hit. Nearly equally a hit as when Chris and I went as Bunsen and Beaker last year. THESE are costumes that the masses love. They are also in no way, shape or form revealing. But I assure you, no matter how much attention a skanky costume may garner, it's far less attention than clever costumes. Consider the type of attention skimpy costumes amass: ogling and groping from gross men. If you're looking for massive amounts of attention, unique costumes are hands down the way to go. EVERYONE wants a picture with someone wearing a clever costume.

Beaker & Bunsen were a huge hit.

I'm not saying all women have to abandon the idea of a "sexy" costume, I'm just asking people to step up the creativity a notch. Guys aren't able to wear a random revealing costume that has no thought behind it and get away with it, so women shouldn't either. Ladies, please pack away the sexy plumber, clown and gladiator costumes and put on the thinking caps. I've seen far too few women enter, much less win, costume contests. It may seem weird at first to give up your day of skankdom. But believe me, the satisfaction of receiving accolades from hordes of people over your clever costume is worth the effort. The prize winnings aren't too shabby, either.