Triple Trouble

For those of you who may not already know, I am married to an identical triplet. Disclosing this fun fact for the first (or sometimes tenth) time usually wins me bug-eyed stares, mouths agape and comments like, "Wow! What's that like?" Well, fine readers, here you go. I'm about to tell you "what that's like."

It's just like being married to anyone else. There, I said it.

OK, it's not ALWAYS that easy, but 99% of the time it really is. Maybe it's easier for me not to get caught up in the hype because my dad is a fraternal twin and I grew up listening to him field silly questions and comments from the amazed masses. (For the record, fraternal twins do not look alike, so to ask if people can tell them apart is just plain stupid.)

Was I initially intrigued at the idea of dating a triplet? Yeah, sure. But it makes it a lot easier to "get over it" when the brothers all lived in different cities, as they did when Chris and I first met. Multiples are individuals and typically have vastly unique personalities, but many people tend to overlook that very important fact. Another thing to remember is how time and environmental factors eventually cause even identicals to start exhibiting more distinct features. Most of the identical twins I know definitely look more different as they age than when they were younger. Plus, my hubby has become more recognizable to some people because he doesn't wear contacts like the others, so he's now "the one with glasses."

Three times the fun.

In looking at pictures over the years, I can pick out resemblances between different brothers at different times in their lives. It's amusing to hear stories from people who knew them before I even appeared on the scene, talking about which brothers looked like each other and the age range during which that was the case. I really do struggle to tell them apart in certain childhood pictures. I shouldn't say this, but in some pictures even my mother-in-law says she has no idea which is which. But usually there are telltale grins, winks or head tilts that differentiate the brothers.

How cute are these guys??!

I have seen the brothers exhibit much grace and patience when dealing with questions that others like myself would scoff at and offer nothing but an eye roll in response. Let me educate you a bit on multiples and why inane questions are not cute or considered acceptable small talk unless you know them incredibly well.  OK, maybe I'm projecting a bit, but just imagine being peppered with the following questions/comments for a lifetime and you might BEGIN to understand what these wonderful guys (and all multiples) have to go through.

Let's just go ahead and give the answer to the first question I am asked time after time after time: Yes, of COURSE I can tell them apart. Chris and I have been together for more than 10 years, do you really think I can't tell who my husband is? As mentioned previously, each of the brothers has taken on a distinct look with age. Also, please refer back to the part above where I said multiples have unique personalities. Even if I had met one of the other brothers first, I can't see myself having dated them. They're great guys and all, but I like Chris for HIS personality and for who HE is. This brings me to...

Normal identical triplets are not porn stars. Trust me, I've tried.

No, I have never, nor do I intend to ever, make out with any of the triplets besides Chris. This is a perverse question I get more from guys than girls. I think it has something to do with the guy fantasy of carrying out nasty acts with hot female multiples. Anyone with brothers or sisters, just take into consideration how gross it would be to do such things with your siblings present. Now, imagine the repulsiveness of trying to DO some of those things WITH your siblings. If you're not gagging right now, please stop reading this post, remove yourself from the Appalachian home you are apparently inhabiting, and get yourself some help.

Also along those lines, no I don't have two others as "back-ups" in case anything happens to Chris. Sick.

Yes, I am SURE they are triplets. I trust that their mother would have noticed if she gave birth to only one baby, as opposed to THREE. She wasn't simply trying to brag about what she could do. And look at them now... how many 6'5" brothers who weigh the same, with brown hair, blue eyes, the same build, similar mannerisms and similar voices do you think you could possibly get together at once? I'm not saying it's not possible, I'm just saying it's not probable so your question is probably, possibly dumb.

Do not ask if they play tricks on people. Most multiples do not. (Except for that one instance of a brother breaking up with the other brother's girlfriend in high school. Bygones.)

No, they didn't dress alike as children. While some multiples do this, my mother-in-law was smart enough to encourage each to display his unique personality. Dressing multiples alike sends the message that the kids are the same person. Sure, this phenomenon might be amusing once in a while, but I don't believe it's healthy on a regular basis. Oh, and for those of you who ask me if the brothers dress alike NOW... um... they're in their 30s. That would be just plain sad.

No, if one of them does something/gets drunk/gets hurt, the others don't feel it. This isn't E.T., people.

The brothers are close. But not creepy close, like this.

Yes, there is a certain closeness among the brothers, as there seems to be with many other multiples. While some prefer to chalk this up to some sort of freaky twin-bond or twin-speak, I have a different theory. Putting children of such close age into such close proximity with each other throughout the same situations in life creates its own kind of tight bond. Similiar instances can be observed with cousins or non-family members who start living with children of the same age. I really think a lot of siblings' closeness is based on parenting, and Chris' family is incredibly close as it is.  All of these things come together to create the close bond the triplets exhibit... not some creepy twin syndrome à la "The Shining."

Who cares who's the oldest? I don't understand why people become so enamored with finding out the birth order. It really means nothing.

I don't know if twins run in their family. Quite frankly, that doesn't even matter with identicals, so don't ask.

Yes, they are "natural" twins. Fertility drugs only cause women to release extra eggs, which produces fraternal twins, not identical. Identicals are freaks of nature (as Chris would say) which scientists still struggle to explain. Plus, even if they weren't "natural", why would that be your business to find out a couple's sexual and reproductive history? Ew.

Possibly the most annoying/disturbing thing people ask/point out is my likelihood for having twins in the future. First, let me say that having children is not in my game plan, so the thought of multiples gives me heart palpitations (more on that in a future post). Secondly, marrying an identical triplet is not the issue... it's having a fraternal twin father that's the issue. My grandmother was clearly a hyper egg producer, which can be genetic. That's the frightening statistic I have to watch out for. Please don't point this out to me, because I am acutely aware of the odds. As my former supervisor Glen liked to tease me when learning about the situation with Chris and my dad, "Geez, you'll get pregnant three times and you'll have a baseball team." Thanks, Glen. Thanks.

Please do not think that this post means you cannot ask any questions about being a multiple. But do remember that there is definitely a time and a place for everything. If you are meeting a multiple for the first time, it's unlikely that any personal "twin" questions are appropriate, particularly some of the common sense ones outlined above. But as you get to know the brothers more, you'll see that they even bring up their situation sometimes. Often, to joke about the folly of their mother not cashing in on the rarity of identical multiples back in the day, and "their money" going to other multiples in a variety of ads (think Double Mint gum, for instance).

I've told you things you shouldn't do, but what SHOULD you do? Get to know my husband for the fun, intelligent, caring person he is. I married him because he's a fantastic guy with a big heart, not because there are two other humans ridiculously similar to him. Once you get to know him, I bet you'll quickly forget he's even a multiple. Until, of course, you encounter all three together and they revert to childish slap fights, insults about the others being ugly, comments about one being adopted and arguments over birth order. Then you'll just WISH you didn't know they were multiples.