How Rude!

It's official. Travel + Leisure magazine has dubbed Washington, DC one of the rudest cities in America (#3). As you can imagine, we are all so proud. Actually, I don't think anyone here cares that much.

If you study the list you'll find that, with a few exceptions, the top 20 rudest cities in America are the top 20 largest cities in America. This actually makes sense to me when examining the characteristics of a city. I believe the main contributing factor is lifestyle pace. Cities, by nature, tend to be more hectic and more rushed. We simply don't have time to worry about a silly little thing like a rudeness survey.

As part of this lifestyle where most things are hurried, conversations are no exception. Directions, advice and short conversations are done with the same abrupt efficiency as, say, walking down the street to arrive at work on time or quickly procuring money from an ATM. For people who hail from smaller cities, it might seem normal to say hello to everyone on the street. However, in larger cities, greeting the hundreds or even thousands of people who pass by on a daily basis would be downright maddening and exhausting. It's not rude to avoid such a practice, it's merely self preservation.

This is definitely rude. Do not emulate this granny.

I think another problem is the definition of what is considered rude. For instance, unnecessarily mocking a person, rolling eyes or refusing to answer an inquiry definitely constitutes rude behavior. But choosing not to go out of one's way to start up or continue a conversation isn't necessarily rude. Ignoring a person who is talking to you while clicking away on your cell phone: rude. Not starting up conversations with random people on the train so you can click on your cell phone: not rude. Granted, DC does house an unusually large contingent of overly educated, overly egotistical people. Arrogance, in and of itself, is not necessarily rude. Off-putting? Yes. Rude? It depends. Scoffing at a visitor and acting like they should already know the answers to their own questions... well, that type of arrogance is definitely unacceptable. Merely not making time to begin a conversation with a visitor because you feel there are better ways to spend your time? While annoying and self serving, this is not necessarily rude. I think we can all picture flagrant examples of rudeness, but also some borderline examples. It's time to ignore the borderline.

Should I be concerned that people's rudeness in DC doesn't seem as glaring to me as it used to? Truly, I feel like I've encountered fewer genuinely rude people here than in Miami (#2 on the list) when I lived there (prime examples of rudeness: twice I saw disabled people fall in Miami and nobody helped but me. There were actually people laughing). I remember one time when I had lived in Miami for less than a year and then went back to visit my family in Milwaukee. Someone started talking to my mom and me while we were in line at the grocery store. Not just idle chit chat, but a significant conversation. Upon her first turning around and addressing us with the conversation-starting question, I recoiled and gave a bit of an odd look. Once my mother and I were safely outside she recommended that I take my guard down because not everyone was trying to scam, harrass or insult me. I couldn't believe how a few months in a place where it's common to hurl snippy comments at strangers had made such a thick skin form that I couldn't instantly recognize a nice conversation with a stranger. People visiting a larger city should remember this story and realize that once the protective wall is up, it can be tricky to take it down on a whim.

Another part of the problem in the DC area is the enormous contingent of transplants from stereotypically "nice" areas such as the South or the Midwest. Going from any overly friendly place to one that is less so will naturally give a bit of a jolt. Most of the people I've met from the South or Midwest (myself included) genuinely do take an interest in the people they're talking to, instead of exhibiting the stereotypical DC trait of only talking to someone to find out what they can do for you. Bringing together people from the friendlier areas of the country and mixing them with people from less touchy-feely areas like the East Coast can make for an unusual melting pot in which the ingredients don't always blend together as expected.

It's important to remember that different people thrive better in different environments. That is why there are so many different lifestyles, cities and towns of different sizes and different people who live there. There's nothing wrong with living at a slower pace, just like there's nothing wrong with running around all day without seeking out human interaction at every turn.

It's OK, and encouraged, to hang up the phone.

Perhaps we all should cut each other some slack. City dwellers, how about hanging up that cell phone and taking a few extra seconds for the visitors (and each other!) without a biting comment? Tourists and newcomers to the city, how about not expecting a huge smile and fulfilling conversation from everybody you pass? Let's take others' unique qualities into consideration and form a truce. Oh, and that also means no more under-the-breath comments about city people being "pushy as$%&*es" or people from smaller towns being "backwards hicks." Let's take just a moment to work this all out... because this post has already been too long for us annoying, rude "city folks," and we don't have any more than a moment to spare.