How Rude!

It's official. Travel + Leisure magazine has dubbed Washington, DC one of the rudest cities in America (#3). As you can imagine, we are all so proud. Actually, I don't think anyone here cares that much.

If you study the list you'll find that, with a few exceptions, the top 20 rudest cities in America are the top 20 largest cities in America. This actually makes sense to me when examining the characteristics of a city. I believe the main contributing factor is lifestyle pace. Cities, by nature, tend to be more hectic and more rushed. We simply don't have time to worry about a silly little thing like a rudeness survey.

As part of this lifestyle where most things are hurried, conversations are no exception. Directions, advice and short conversations are done with the same abrupt efficiency as, say, walking down the street to arrive at work on time or quickly procuring money from an ATM. For people who hail from smaller cities, it might seem normal to say hello to everyone on the street. However, in larger cities, greeting the hundreds or even thousands of people who pass by on a daily basis would be downright maddening and exhausting. It's not rude to avoid such a practice, it's merely self preservation.

This is definitely rude. Do not emulate this granny.

I think another problem is the definition of what is considered rude. For instance, unnecessarily mocking a person, rolling eyes or refusing to answer an inquiry definitely constitutes rude behavior. But choosing not to go out of one's way to start up or continue a conversation isn't necessarily rude. Ignoring a person who is talking to you while clicking away on your cell phone: rude. Not starting up conversations with random people on the train so you can click on your cell phone: not rude. Granted, DC does house an unusually large contingent of overly educated, overly egotistical people. Arrogance, in and of itself, is not necessarily rude. Off-putting? Yes. Rude? It depends. Scoffing at a visitor and acting like they should already know the answers to their own questions... well, that type of arrogance is definitely unacceptable. Merely not making time to begin a conversation with a visitor because you feel there are better ways to spend your time? While annoying and self serving, this is not necessarily rude. I think we can all picture flagrant examples of rudeness, but also some borderline examples. It's time to ignore the borderline.

Should I be concerned that people's rudeness in DC doesn't seem as glaring to me as it used to? Truly, I feel like I've encountered fewer genuinely rude people here than in Miami (#2 on the list) when I lived there (prime examples of rudeness: twice I saw disabled people fall in Miami and nobody helped but me. There were actually people laughing). I remember one time when I had lived in Miami for less than a year and then went back to visit my family in Milwaukee. Someone started talking to my mom and me while we were in line at the grocery store. Not just idle chit chat, but a significant conversation. Upon her first turning around and addressing us with the conversation-starting question, I recoiled and gave a bit of an odd look. Once my mother and I were safely outside she recommended that I take my guard down because not everyone was trying to scam, harrass or insult me. I couldn't believe how a few months in a place where it's common to hurl snippy comments at strangers had made such a thick skin form that I couldn't instantly recognize a nice conversation with a stranger. People visiting a larger city should remember this story and realize that once the protective wall is up, it can be tricky to take it down on a whim.

Another part of the problem in the DC area is the enormous contingent of transplants from stereotypically "nice" areas such as the South or the Midwest. Going from any overly friendly place to one that is less so will naturally give a bit of a jolt. Most of the people I've met from the South or Midwest (myself included) genuinely do take an interest in the people they're talking to, instead of exhibiting the stereotypical DC trait of only talking to someone to find out what they can do for you. Bringing together people from the friendlier areas of the country and mixing them with people from less touchy-feely areas like the East Coast can make for an unusual melting pot in which the ingredients don't always blend together as expected.

It's important to remember that different people thrive better in different environments. That is why there are so many different lifestyles, cities and towns of different sizes and different people who live there. There's nothing wrong with living at a slower pace, just like there's nothing wrong with running around all day without seeking out human interaction at every turn.

It's OK, and encouraged, to hang up the phone.

Perhaps we all should cut each other some slack. City dwellers, how about hanging up that cell phone and taking a few extra seconds for the visitors (and each other!) without a biting comment? Tourists and newcomers to the city, how about not expecting a huge smile and fulfilling conversation from everybody you pass? Let's take others' unique qualities into consideration and form a truce. Oh, and that also means no more under-the-breath comments about city people being "pushy as$%&*es" or people from smaller towns being "backwards hicks." Let's take just a moment to work this all out... because this post has already been too long for us annoying, rude "city folks," and we don't have any more than a moment to spare.

Reality Used to Be a Friend of Mine

Ahhhh, January. It's a new year, with new goals. Sadly, it's also a time for new, cringe-worthy reality television. Blech, with the cold and the bad reality TV, January really is the worst month of the year.

I have never really enjoyed reality TV. I use television as an occasional escape, and I want my escapes to be well planned. I have tried and tried over the years, but I do not like this type of programming. In fact, watching this so-called "unscripted" television really makes me angry. Why? Because it's becoming dumber by the second and makes me lose faith in America.

OK, so when I was younger and more drawn to drama, I did actually watch "The Real World," which I consider the original reality program. But as I grew older (as in, I turned 23) I developed a distaste for such drama and stopped watching. The drama that used to be on "The Real World" has been fully surpassed by the current shows.

Why do people like this trashy, orange train wreck?

I took pride in never having watched "Jersey Shore" until spending the weekend with a friend who is obsessed with it and then forced me to sit through a marathon. I do not exaggerate when I say I get so frustrated at the stupidity of the characters that I inevitably end up yelling at the TV. This is repeatable every single time, without fail. How is yelling at the TV the relaxing escape I'm looking for? The fact that the cast members sleep with so many other dirty individuals that Valtrex was popped like candy actually makes me shudder. The thought of accidental procreation by people on "Jersey Shore" should scare us all. These thoughts and others only produce more yelling at the TV, then make me curl up and start rocking in the corner while saying over and over, "Snooki makes baby Jesus cry."

My brother-in-law is a fan of "The Bachelor." He claims the best part is during the final weeks of the series when the bachelor goes on date after date with ridiculously attractive women. Says the brother-in-law, "You know he's banging all these women at once, and they actually seem hurt when they don't get picked. And the TV network applauds it. That's entertainment." OK, I can sort of see why that would be amusing to watch. It's not as awful, in my opinion, as "Jersey Shore," but disturbs me, nevertheless.

A "Pretty Woman" hooker outfit? That's just wrong. 

We've morphed into a warped society that enjoys watching trash like "Toddlers and Tiaras." Really? This is what it takes to entertain us now? I had never even heard of this horrific show until my mother-in-law stumbled across it and said it was such a disturbing train wreck she couldn't turn away. I briefly checked it out but was certainly able to turn away. My disgust for this program knows no bounds. It's one thing to watch fully grown adults make fools of themselves for all to see, but to watch little girls pimped on TV for some sort of odd, short-lived fame is gross. To force children under 10 to show their tummies or booties to judges to score extra points is reprehensible. How is this not a milder form of child porn? And what about the mom who gives her daughter "go-go juice" during pageants to help her perform better? Or the countless moms who force their little girls to get eyebrows plucked and teeth capped for aesthetic purposes? How is this not child abuse? Yet we not only ignore the awful things done to these children, it's actually celebrated as a form of entertainment. If we saw parents performing some of these actions in everyday life instead of on television, many of us would likely inform child protective services and try to have the kids relocated to a more nurturing environment. But the safety net of TV protects these parents and their heinous acts.

When confronted with accusations about watching such trash, I find many people get defensive and blame the networks. I hear people say all the time, "Well I just watch it because it's on. If it weren't on, I wouldn't watch it." Guess what, people? If you don't watch it, it won't be on! Working in the TV news industry, I can assure you that everything is done for ratings and revenue. Reality show producers don't care about you or the people they exploit to make "good TV." They care about creating the most over-the-top show that will cause people to sit with mouths agape, unable to change the channel. If people stopped watching, ratings would plummet and these shows would be canceled, I promise you. Remember such ill-fated shows as "Cavemen," which was deemed so abysmal it only made it through something like three episodes? This could be awful reality shows!

Think about it, it my last post, I talked about taking down the Kardashians and plunging them into obscurity. There was quite an outpouring of support for that idea from readers. Yet, that dysfunctional family has enough followers that they manage to pull in contracts for TV shows time and time again. Stop watching them and send a message! Don't fall victim to the dumbing down of society, America!

I know my words will fall on many deaf ears because it's incredibly difficult to give up a habit, even if said habit is simply flipping on trashy reality TV. However, I vow to be a part of the solution, not the problem. I will continue to boycott all forms of sensational reality TV shows. Hopefully a few others will join me and we can start a revolution that will force television producers to actually do some work and earn their inflated paychecks by coming up with well-written entertainment.

Doomsday, Shmoomsday

The world is going to end this year, just before Christmas! Panic! That's the claim from scholars freaks who buy into the ancient Mayan calendar. Except, maybe that's not exactly what the the calendar said after all. This week it came out that years of interpreting and re-interpreting Mayan beliefs may have muddled the facts and nothing actually points to an apocalyptic event.

I don't tend to buy into doomsday preaching, but I do actually ponder the end of the world. Therefore, just in case my skepticism is falsely waged and the apocalypse will indeed occur this year, I think I need to get crackin' on my seemingly ever-growing bucket list. It appears I'm going to have a wild and crazy year, but it'll be worth it in the end.

Things to do before the 2012 apocalypse, in no particular order:
-Open my own beach-themed bar. It will be so fantastic that everyone will claim all other bars in the DC metro area pale by comparison and should shut down. The bar will have a strict "no jackasses allowed" policy, with the measure of jackassery being determined on the fly by yours truly.

-Buy every single pair of shoes I see that I deem cute, no matter what the cost. This should occur at a rate of at least one pair per day. A woman can never have too many pairs of shoes. Plus, I want to look my best for the end of the world. I don't want to be immortalized for all of eternity in a pair of gross, beaten up flip flops.

-Take up bank robbing. If the world's going to end anyway, there's no reason NOT to attempt accumulating massive amounts of money for my adventures. After being forced to write at work about the stupid antics of countless bank robbers over the years, I feel like I might be able to pull off a heist or two by learning from others' mistakes. Plus, there's been a spate of these crimes in my neighborhood recently with very few perps getting caught, so I think I have a fighting chance.

The Kardashians. They. Must. Go.

-Silence the Kardashians. Upon acquiring all that bank robbery cash, I will then have more money and be more powerful than the Kardashians. Plus, I will be "up and coming" and we all know how Americans love the newest, freshest famous face. I will use my fame to force the Kardashians into submission, or perhaps deport them to a remote island where there are no cameras, there's no communication to the outside world, and from which they cannot escape. They've been tarnishing the image of Armenians for years (along with Cher), so I need to do what I can to redeem it.

-Buy the NBA. This may seem rather odd, but there's method to my madness. The NBA in its current form sucks. I loved it back in the 1990s, but the poor attitudes of players, lack of effort by players and lack of officiating have left me bitter. I was hoping last year's lockout would stick and the NBA would be forced to shut down. Because it didn't, I would like to buy the entire organization with the intent of dissolving it for the good of humanity. I will do this with the proceeds from my aforementioned bank robbing sprees.

Taco Bell all the time? Yes, please.

-Buy a house with an exposed basement and build a Taco Bell inside of it. I don't know why, but I have always loved the idea of a home with an expansive, exposed basement that opens into a lush backyard. I also have a not-so-small affinity for Taco Bell, to the extent that I imposed a rule that I may only consume it once a month. (Don't judge, we all have our fast food weaknesses.) I would like to combine the two joys such that I may scarf Taco Bell (freshly made by an around-the-clock employee) at my leisure, and then pop outside for a jog to run off the calories.

-Go on a date with Adam Sandler. Sure, we're both married, and sure, he's on a bit of a comedic decline, but that's not going to stop me. This has been a goal since my teenage years, so I might as well fulfill the dream if I'm going to die this year anyway.

Bad idea? Wait until you see what's going to make me rich.

-Invent and market a ridiculous household item that will be sold on infomercials or in "As Seen on TV" stores at the mall. The product will be mocked by people around the world but I won't care because even if people are buying the products as a joke, I'm the one laughing all the way to the bank. Chia Pet. Snuggie. Shake Weight. And now the "Forever Lazy" which is basically a body-Snuggie with zippered hatches that allow the user to easily use the restroom. They're all crazy stupid ideas that have made someone rich. I'm coming up with the next Forever Lazy.

-Become a member of a kick-ass band, preferably the Foo Fighters. I have always loved music, as mentioned in previous posts, and have said countless times that I'll come back as a musician in my next life. Considering I received a guitar for my birthday a month ago, there's no reason I can't make it happen in this lifetime... which apparently has to be by December. Dave Grohl is a musical genius but I think it's time he takes on a female sidekick.

I'm sure there are many things that will end up on this list as the year progresses, but I think for only having about 11 months left to accomplish my goals, this is a decent start. I'm also accepting suggestions of other goals that are similar in nature. Anyone who wants to assist with my missions is welcome to join. Particularly in taking down the Kardashians. I think there are countless people who would share in my glee of that one.