Catch You Later

"I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date! No time to say hello, goodbye! I'm late! I'm late! I'm late!"

Think you've been transported to "Alice in Wonderland" and are witnessing the White Rabbit frantically scamper around? Think again. Welcome to my life as someone who is perpetually late.

This guy exemplifies the story of my life.

I've spent far too many minutes, hours and days apologizing for my tardiness, yet few events impact me enough to force permanent change. Clearly that is the case, based on my consistent lapsing into old habits and proving unsuccessful at attempted timeliness. I really do try, but inevitably, something always gets in the way.

Typically, I'm early in my preparations for leaving the house, but end up trying to squeeze in a few last minute things to spend the time wisely, of course. Naturally, I get so absorbed in whatever task I start that I panic once I check the time. Do you think I want to be like this? Of course not! It's a sickness, I tell you, and I've dedicated large portions of my life to finding a cure. So far, no luck.

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of times when unforeseen circumstances truly do get in the way of my best laid plans. For instance, try as I might to leave extra early for the train, the metro system always manages to foil my plans by running extra slowly or breaking down. Other instances can include, but are not limited to, traffic, car accidents, getting lost, unexpected emergency phone calls, getting locked out, various foods/drinks spilled on clothing while walking out the door, inclement weather, broken shoe heels, desperately needing to buy a coffee and oh, say, squirrels or ducks crossing the road. These events, while (mostly) completely legitimate, do nothing but make me procrastinate in the future. Why? Because I realize that even when I'm a good girl and leave with plenty of time, delays will inevitably pop up and I'm still going to be late no matter what. People aren't going to buy my excuses, no matter how legit. So why not leave late in the first place and get there at the same time I would if I left early and accounted for delays? See, faulty logic strikes again and implants itself in my mind, festering to make me believe I'm justified in my lateness.

What's baffling is how I turned out to be such a slacker, considering my parents' crazy incredible promptness. They're not simply on time everywhere they go, they're actually early. Sure, there are times I've been early, but the occasions are so rare I'm going to go ahead and proclaim that it's a foreign concept to me. Every time I visit my parents, I'm reminded of their distaste at even thinking about arriving late. This isn't even a rule reserved for meeting up with other people, it's a credo they abide by when alone as well.

Take, for example, Friday night's dinner out. We had a 6:00 p.m. reservation and I was on track to be ready early. However, all of a sudden I heard people yelling from downstairs asking if I was ready. I had no idea how I had once again allowed myself to badly lose track of time, but hurried downstairs and out the door with the rest of the family. As it turns out, not only was I not late, I was considerably early, yet still rushed out of the house! I couldn't believe that I was being chastised (especially considering it had only taken me 10 minutes to change and primp) for not being ready. So I started to do the math in my head. It went something like this: 5:15p.m.+20 minutes travel time=5:35p.m.=25 minutes early for reservation. Hmmmm. That's 25 minutes I could have used to straighten my hair, put on jewelry, possibly change twice, and check my email, Facebook and Twitter.

Scratching my head, I wondered if this chaos had been really necessary or was just another example of my parents' crazy incredible promptness. We did indeed arrive at the restaurant extra early and once inside, we found that our table had not yet been prepared, which miffed my mom a little bit. With raised eyebrows, my brother and I both reminded her that it was OK for the two tables not to have been pushed together yet because we were, after all, 25 minutes early!! I mean, isn't that the point of reservations, to let the restaurant know when you're coming so it's not necessary to wait for a table to free up or be cleared? Don't we owe it to restaurants to keep up our end of the reservation bargain and not arrive too late or too early, but nearly right on time? I will give a 10 minute window for leeway--5 minutes before the given time and 5 minutes after. But 25 minutes? I don't think so.

I'd like to somehow meld my parents' desire to be early with my procrastination and thus devise the perfect system for arriving precisely on time. Luckily, I'm not nearly as bad as my brother-in-law, who is not only chronically late, but SO late that people have taken to telling him to be somewhere half an hour before everyone else arrives. I'm really not horribly late most of the time, typically about 5-10 minutes. Anything more than that, and my guilt sets in. I completely understand that leaving people waiting is the height of rudeness. Heck, I even get annoyed when left waiting too long, so I expect you to be upset if I arrive, say, half an hour late.

So to all of you I have kept waiting over the years (which is nearly everyone), I would like to extend a wholehearted apology. I know there's no excuse for my behavior and please realize I value your time and I value you as a person. I confess, I know the "it's not you, it's me" excuse doesn't hold water. Not that it makes my affliction any more endearing, but know that I don't concoct lies about my reasons for being late and often concede that I simply didn't have my act together. I know I have wronged you by wasting your time and I promise to try harder in the future. However, I also promise you that this will not be the absolute end to my tardiness, so prepare yourselves accordingly. But for now, I have to go, because of course, I'm late.