Culture War

Ladies and gentlemen! Get ready for a battle royale, a clash of the titans, a fight to end all fights.  In this corner, we have the world superpower--The United States of America!  In the other corner, we have the mythical land to which our beloved author recently traveled--The European Union!  Place your bets now on which contender will rack up the most points and be dubbed the victor this very heated culture war.

Round 1--Monetary Units
European countries have sported largely coin-based currencies for decades. America has tried to adopt a coin culture multiple times, only to have the masses turn up their noses at the idea with a snooty sniff and a roll of the eyes. We love our paper money, and our small change coins are merely afterthoughts.

Stupid coins, stop making my purse heavy.

I have to admit, to carry around all those coins in Europe--€2, €1, €0.50, €0.20, €0.10, €0.05, €0.02, €0.01--is far too much. The commonly used 1 and 2 Euro coins bear a fair amount of heft and weigh down my purse. And is it really necessary to have both a 1 and 2 cent coin? That just seems egregious. I'm sticking with my light American paper money, which prevents me from throwing out my back every time I get change.
Point: USA

Round 2--Restrooms
I'm not a fan of public restrooms as a rule. But if I have to use one, I'm even less of a fan of having to pay. Although I first thought it was mainly just a practice in Paris, apparently many European restrooms still force people to pay to pee.

Granted, these restrooms trump ours in that they do not have vagrants living in them and are typically clean due to employing a bathroom attendant. However, there's a reason American cities started doing away with pay toilets, and even outright banning them, in the 1970s. I would rather hold my breath in a smelly stall than have to fish around in my purse for a stray coin while crossing my legs and doing the pee-pee dance at the entrance.
Point: USA

Round 3--Hygiene
Some European countries have developed less than savory reputations due to the smell of their residents. I have embarked upon all of my overseas experiences with an open mind and have concluded the following:  sometimes stereotypes are in place for a reason.

Countries with cooler climates have definitely fared better on my stink-o-meter, but places with temperatures above approximately 65 degrees tend to produce ripe residents. I just don't understand the widespread aversion to deodorant. A quick swipe of the stick once a day keeps pungent odors at bay. It's very disheartening to see some of the most beautiful people in the world in Portugal, only to be repulsed by the stench when Mr. Incredible Hottie lifts his arm to open a door for you.

This is the only thing a bidet is good for.

And don't get me started on bidets. Look, if those devices actually did their jobs, toilet paper companies would have gone under long ago. Think of it like a car wash. Just spraying the undercarriage with water isn't going to do a whole lot. You need to soap and scrub to get the unseen parts in satisfactory order.
Point: USA

Round 4--Public Transportation
Americans love their cars, and thus dislike public transportation. Europeans have embraced public transportation and make it an art. Their trains are clean and ridiculously on time. Everyone rides the bus, not just degenerates. Walking or riding a bike seems to be the preferred way to travel. Public transportation is so well used that cities spend a lot of money to make it expansive and functional, and it shows. I looked around with mouth agape in every train I was in, and marveled at what a joke DC's Metro is in comparison (obviously if you read my other posts you know I hated the Metro before, but this just firmly cemented my opinion).  Every form of public transportation is cheap, easy, convenient and more eco-friendly than cars.
Point: Europe


Round 5--Tipping
Anyone who dines out with me knows how much I dislike America's tipping culture. A tip used to be a reward for good service, but now has morphed into a compulsory act. Not to mention, amounts of expected tips have risen sharply. In most European countries I have traveled to, tipping is not the norm because it's included in the price of the dining experience. Thus, no extra calculations are necessary, and there's no frustration at feeling guilted into handing over extra money when the service is mediocre.
Point:  Europe


Round 6--Languages
I am a lover of languages and try to learn as many as I can. But I fully realize that in America, I am in the minority. English is king here, and anyone who doesn't speak it is an outcast. I've always admired other countries which teach children multiple languages right away, better preparing them for adventures and work situations later in life. I was utterly amazed at the Dutch and their grasp of the English language. Not only did they speak it beautifully and flawlessly, but they had an incredible knack for the nuances, idioms and humor. Plus, most seemed to speak at least one other language. For all of its boastfulness about education, America desperately needs to step up in this regard.
Point:  Europe


Round 7--Sense of Order

Even a crazy line is better than no line.

For being as organized and nice as they were, I was quite disgruntled at the lack of order the Dutch exhibited. I first noticed this on my honeymoon last year, while staying at an all-inclusive resort in Curacao, which is a Dutch island. The Americans, British, Spanish, and basically everybody other than people from the Netherlands would line up in an orderly fashion to get drinks. The Dutch would saunter up and plop their arms on the bar, expecting service before the queue of 10 others patiently waiting. This attitude prevailed in Amsterdam as well, even to the extent of getting shoved to the side while getting on buses or trying to walk through doors. This is not rocket science, it's just a matter of respect for others.

That brings me to a slightly different, yet related topic--personal space. I know Americans are often considered cold and needy when it comes to personal space. You know what? I'm OK with that. Europeans: don't get all up in my business, don't crowd me, don't reach over me, don't walk so closely that you're stepping on me, don't breathe on me and don't lean on me. Especially when, as previously mentioned, you clearly don't display hygiene that is up to my standards.  Step back, and get in line.
Point:  USA


Round 8--Worldliness
Every time I travel abroad I am amazed at how much other countries know about us and our culture. We don't reciprocate, and don't even pretend to. We are grossly under-educated on the daily doings of other nations, much less an intimate understanding of their governments. I was blown away when a 22-year-old Dutch man rattled off more about Obama's policies, the Tea Party and state governments than the vast majority of American adults I have met. I hardly knew the Dutch even had a government.
Point:  Europe


Tally:  USA--4, Europe--4
Well, I guess it's a dead tie in the culture war, based on my criteria. Clearly, there are pros and cons of living anywhere, whether it's across the street, across the country or on the other side of the world. Much of what we find "normal" is based on what we grew up with, and really there is no truly right answer.

Many, many times I envy certain systems or lifestyles prevalent in other countries.  But until I discover a place that perfectly blends the aspects I love about America with aspects I enjoy about other countries, I'm staying put.  I may never actually find that perfection, and quite frankly, that's fine with me.