Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Keep It Brief

"I need it up to my belly button."

This was the main phrase that gave me pause when I got caught next to a conversation at Target I wish I could un-hear. I'm in the intimates section and two women in the next aisle are having a... well... intimate conversation. But it's loud. They were loudly having a conversation about an intimate topic. The great panties debate was happening right next to me and like a moth to flame, I couldn't help eavesdropping on the awful conversation.

OK, let's be honest. It's not that I was eavesdropping, it's that the two women, who appeared to be approximately 80 years old, were having their conversation about panties at a decibel level normally reserved for noisy bars. They were trying to figure out if the briefs in the sealed Hanes package were what they really wanted, or if they were going to end up with "those tiny things that are too small for anyone to wear."

A Target employee, who appeared to be in her late 60s, had heard the conversation (as had everyone else in the neighboring four departments) so she sauntered over and tried assisting the ladies. I found it funny that her volume exceeded that of the other two, and I'm pretty sure everyone clearly could hear the weird panties conversation all the way in the electronics section on the other side of the building. Imagine looking at an iPod and hearing "NO, I NEED THE BRIEFS THAT GO TO MY BELLY BUTTON!"

I kept imagining something like this.
The employee assured the women that the briefs they were examining would go all the way up to the belly button and would "stay put." Then she added, "that's what I have on right now and they feel great." I stifled laughter, while also crinkling my nose in disgust. I found the whole conversation particularly amusing and although I wanted to walk away, it was kind of a train wreck I couldn't stop taking in. Images of enormous "granny
panties" and atomic wedgies danced in my brain while these three women VERY LOUDLY discussed the briefs they each were wearing. I finally forced myself to walk away when one of the women blurted out, "What if I want them to come up PAST my belly button, do you have anything like that?" All I could picture was this little old lady tangled in a huge, full-body pair of briefs and I knew I needed to get away from there before I burst into laughter.

Would I still have found this conversation so hilarious if it were carried out by, let's say, two young, hot 20-somethings? Well, quite honestly, probably. Maybe for me it was the content of the conversation that made me grimace rather than those involved. I think even supermodels discussing the need for underwear to be "full coverage" would take me aback.

Seriously though, who cares what clothes or underwear another person is wearing? Why was I so amused/repulsed by the undies conversation? I find it interesting the mental images we find disgusting... like our own parents having sex. We know where we came from and what our parents had to do to bring us into the world. But it's still weird and kinda gross. Similar to my Target situation. It made sense for the women to check to make sure they're getting full coverage briefs that wouldn't bug them by sliding down (or up?) all day long. But I still found it weird and kinda gross.

So I guess in weird situations like the Target "Battle of the Briefs," I need to channel my mother-in-law and remember one of her pet phrases: "Put on your big girl panties and deal with it."

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