The Great Divide

Ahhh, panties. Few items have been so loved throughout history as these tiny pieces of fabric. But as of late, they've been causing me some distress. Not my own, mind you, but others'. In the past couple weeks as pants and winter skirts are replacing flowing summer sundresses, I have witnessed far too many women falling victim to the unfortunate phenomenon I will call "cut butt."

If you're having trouble figuring out what I'm talking about, stay with me here. The "cut butt" occurs when women wear form fitting clothing and then panties that slice through the middle of their butt. This creates a less-than-attractive line at best, and the illusion of having four cheeks at worst. See the picture below for a more accurate representation of what I'm talking about.

Ladies, c'mon. Nobody likes this.

While initially it may appear that this is a malady only very large people would encounter while wearing small underwear, that is not the case. Sadly, everyone can fall victim to cut butt, no matter how thin or muscular. As you can tell, the lady in the picture above is slight, but still suffers from cut butt due to making a questionable clothing decision before leaving the house. Sporting a cut butt makes any person look larger than she is.

Suffering from the cut butt is one of my fears. I'm sure I've disgusted people with it on a few occasions, but I do my best not to walk around in public looking like this. As odd as it may sound, I nearly always do a "butt check" before leaving the house to ensure I'm not rockin' multiple-cheek action.

I know I previously wrote a blog about being less judgmental, and I'd like to go on record as saying I'm not judging, I'm trying to help. I actually feel badly for women who have the cut butt because they clearly don't realize what's going on back there, and would likely be horrified at the rear view they're providing. I'm simply offering a friendly public service announcement.

Thank you, Victoria's Secret.

This whole problem actually can be alleviated quite easily. It's through the use of a handy little item called the thong. I know some people are reluctant to delve into the realm of thongs for fear of how it feels. However, it's really not uncomfortable like you would think. I believe it's at least worth a try when you consider the alternative of walking around with a cut butt. The other option is going out to buy larger sizes of underwear and clothes, but nobody wants to buy larger sized clothes. I'm just trying to save your pride and money.

I know some middle-aged and older women (and sometimes younger women, too) often have a mental block about the thong due to skanky images it may conjure. To these people I would advise the following: take a deep breath, realize that nobody else will know you're wearing a thong, and take the plunge. This fashion wonder has become so commonplace it's really not an item that should be considered intimidating anymore. 

OK fine, maybe you're still not convinced about the wonders of the thong. That's fine, but then you're going to have to devise your own solution to the cut butt problem. All I'm asking is that you take a backward glance in the mirror before going out of the house so you don't end up looking like something's getting strangled in your pants. If you don't do this for yourself, please do it for me, so I don't have to cringe and be embarrassed for you for ruining such a fine derriere.